Moving from Attachment…….Relinquishment

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Summoning Ganesha, Remover of Obstacles

In my process of taking inventory and purging I have found many lost memories….

  • Art Portfolios from High School and College.
  • Books and Books of poetry written between 1982 &1986 (ages 13 to 17)
  • Diaries also corresponding to the years above.
  • Love letters from the same time period.
  • Photos from my entire life (but lots & lots of them with 80’s BIG HAIR).
  • My kelley green shiny satin High School Band Jacket (circa 1985).
  • BIG trash bag full of stuffed animals
  • Blankets and baby clothes that are 39+years old 

…. Fortunate for me the time has come to reminisce on these items one last time and then say goodbye (with exception of the photos, only the ones that I actually remember the names of the people)……

So, yesterday during the rain (how apropos) I took a trip down memory lane…..

  •  I attended my Surprise Sweet 16 Birthday Party, thrown for me by a friend. Oh the controversy that caused in my life…. It was the day after I attended my Boyfriend’s Senior Prom, he was from a different school.  I ditched out on him and his friends who were going “down the shore” to go to this party that ended up being for me.   
  • Read an obscene amount of really bad, heart wrenching, sappy, forced poetry (if you want to call it that). Depicting how my daily life was a combination of Shakespeare tragedy, The “Breakfast Club”, Cinderella, “Heathers”,  and an Air Supply or Peter Gabriel song.
  • Ditto for the diaries.  Oh, I would never want to relive those days of newly acquired hormones and falling in and out of love (most of the time the other person never even know it), fighting with my best friend (again without them even knowing it), and loathing my parents (oh, but they knew it, didn’t they?).
  • Hugging stuffed toys (that were stained and smelled really horrible). 
  • I read love letters from a friend/boyfriend who graduated school a year early to  go off to college.  He was an artistic musical genius of sorts.  During that time we struggled with the emotions of whether we were going to try to endure a long distance relationship (at age 16/17).  Funny thing is now, I hear, he is no longer a man, but a woman, really.  I smiled as I read the letters, how we pined for one another, thinking about how different life is now twenty some odd years later.  If we only knew.  
  • Attended a few proms….. Oh, the BIG 80’s hair, I would have never survived without my Aqua Net and a curling iron. 
  • And again reading love letters from a boyfriend who sadly passed away a year or so back at the age young age of 35.
  • And so on, and so on and so on…..I am sure you all have had your moments of going down memory lane.

Most of the stuff was in one box, crammed together with a handful of beach sand, yes loose beach sand. Not quite sure what the sand was about, but it must have had some sort of sentimental attachment to it at some point in my life many many years ago.  I can only assume that the sand was contained when I originally placed it in the box, but one never knows.  Needless to say, everything was covered with grains of the stuff.

Despite the sand it was nice to relive these memories, seems like I do it once every decade, or when I move. I can look back on most of it now fondly, laugh at myself, and thank the powers that be that we, well at least most of us, mature.

As I have previously expressed I am at the point in my life, finally, that I need (and thankfully am emotionally able) to let go of most of this sentimental stuff.  As a good friend put it, I mean really, how many things do you really need to remember a person or certain times in our lives?  Do I need the diaries, the stuffed toys, the horribly ugly & smelly band jacket to have those memories remain in my head?  I think pictures alone would serve as the perfect activities director for time travel to memories of times past.  (And thankfully they are precise, compact and easy to store!)    

So off all it goes (except pictures) into the garbage heap in large hefty bags.  

To be honest, some of it hurts a little to let go of, but it only hurts because the memories are in the forefront of my mind, I have held the “it” again, and watch “it” go into the bag with all the other “its”. Attachment creates suffering.  Honestly, if I were to keep the stuff it would get packed away, AGAIN, and forgotten about for another ten years.  I have to remember that it is only “stuff” that I am letting go of.   It is not the memories attached to the “stuff”.  I have kept plenty of pictures to keep the memories alive when I feel nostalgic.   

Thanks be to Ganesha remover of obstacles.  No regrets.  It actually feels great to not be weighed down anymore.   Besides, I have to make room for today’s and tomorrow’s memories.

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